/ / Wounded


Yesterday after much reflection, I had moments of intense emotion.  Anger, sadness, grief and pure rage.

I thought of many things but really began to realize how the hope that I have had to carry allows me to sometimes dull the painful and zero in on the positive.   Recently, I am recognizing hurt in ways that I have not before and I am finding myself easily offended.  

Sometimes with words, sometimes actions.   The best way to describe it may be when someone can say something that puts you down and builds you up at the same time…. For example, someone saw an old picture of me recently and said,  “wow, you were so pretty, I can’t believe how pretty you used to be” … OUCH!  Yet, I don’t think I have ever heard pretty from this person before so I go there and try to find happy and ignore the rest of the sentence.

There are times when I think this is on autopilot so much that I miss some painful things simply because I do this.   So yesterday I revisited my weekend and found the pain in all of that and right before group I was walking through a store and just processing and processing this in my head…tears falling between smelling candles and touching fresh towels, browsing framed art… and it made me realize I am so wounded… So incredibly wounded…. 

As I make my way to my car, I see this two spaces down: 

It would not move and barely opened his eyes otherwise I would have thought it was dead.  It let me get very close and I was taking pictures and I am sure I had people in the parking lot thinking ??? as I am standing there taking pictures of this bird.   I am thinking God what are you saying???  Pink Skies, Birds – you have my attention!  Yet, this was freaking me out, mostly the wounded part.  I took several pictures and then went to my car and switched it to video to show how close it was to my car, how random and how quiet it was being.   There is a 49 second clip of what happened next … It started chirping, hopping around and stretching its wings across the parking lot.  It was awkward but it was trying so hard….and when it got out if sight I started the car to follow it and it was gone.  

It made me cry.  Right before group in the parking lot I called a friend and said I am so wounded… But eventually I will fly!  I just need to start chirping and spreading my wings … Taking steps that may come out awkward or look different at first but eventually … I WILL FLY!!!

Isaiah 40:31 ESV
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. 

I think that bird gave me the courage to speak up in that last group session… courage to say hard things.  Spread your wings Pink Girl – and fly ….. the beautiful bright pink skies await you…

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One Comment

  1. I cried and cried and I never knew anyone else had felt things like myself… I know now I have a friend in Jesus that I can trust!!

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