It was almost a year ago when I realized for the first time in 39 years that I could truly be.loved by Christ. Not just because He loves all the little children of the world, and not just because the Bible tells me so. I knew because He spoke it straight to the core of my being through a beautiful pink sky. It was that pink sky post that started this blog and started my true journey to healing.
Jesus Loves ME! I remember taking that in and letting it permeate all of the doubts, misconceptions and lies I had believed for years.
He created me in the secret place. My frame was not hidden from Him when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. (Psalm 139:15)
My birth was not planned, but I was no surprise to Jesus. He created me, and nothing about my life is a surprise to him.
The writing prompt at Faith Barista this week is beloved. As soon as I saw it I immediately thought, “No thank you, I’ll Pass”, but it has come to my mind a lot these last few days and all I can hear in my head is Maroon 5 singing, “I don’t mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain….look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while, and she will be loved, and she will be loved….” over and over and over in my lyrical brain.
The girl with the broken smile.
When I think of Beloved, the first thing that comes to mind is “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” Song of Songs 6:3. As I was reading that book, I found a verse I had written at our ladies bible study recently and stuck in my bible. We were shown several verses and were told to write down the one that is hard for us to believe.
Holy, Blameless. I looked up the verse in my Bible, Ephesians 1:4 “For He chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.”
In his sight. I am His Beloved. He sees me as Holy and Blameless.
I was looking in the back of my Busy Mom’s Bible and saw this in the 5 minute reflect and pray section on authentic living:
Now we have hit a nerve. And Maroon 5 is only getting louder in my head. “And she will be loved. She will be loved.”
Song of Songs: 4:12 You are a garden locked up, a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
Those are boundaries.
Song of Songs 3:3 Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
That is a warning. It appears 3 times in the book.
Song of Songs 8:12 But my own vineyard is mine to give.
That makes my chest pound. Thump. Thump. Thump.
I struggle with being loved and being beloved, because boundaries were broken. Trust violated. Heart shattered. Maybe you do too? This book, Song of Songs, is about wooing, and freely giving. Sometimes in life, vineyards are stolen. Trampled on. Disregarded. Used. Harmed.
He created me and He made me to be wooed. He calls me His Beloved. He knows everything, and He still calls me beloved.
Song of Songs 8:6-7 Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire; like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love, rivers cannot sweep it away. (Read that and listen to You Won’t Relent by Jesus Culture – worship pink girl, worship!)
No matter what – He loves me.
No matter what – I am His Beloved.
He is patient with me, and he knows my struggles. He longs for me to see the vineyard he created and designed. He loves me. He picks up the broken fences, busted locks, and broken glass and holds each piece in His Hands. He holds each jagged piece and my beloved cries out to me, “Arise my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.” (Song of Solomon 2:10)
He takes me to the garden and restores the beauty.
He mends the broken.
He reminds me Spring is near.
Song of Songs 4:7 You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
So beloved, be.loved and be love.
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)” By Hillsong United