Crushed

She walked up to me in church and said, “My mom asked me to give this to you.”  I smiled and thanked her and later unwrapped the tissue paper to find a beautiful glass dish.
We had been talking in our ladies class that morning about the love of Jesus and how His love can reach our deepest hurts.  I was feeling the love and texted her and thanked her for the cup!
I sat it with the other meaningful happy’s on my bookshelf…each one reminding me of something precious.

And then later, that tender spot in my heart felt the pierce and began to ache, and one by one the deep hurts piled on. I woke up early, and went for a walk.  I didn’t put in my contacts, and I began to move in the blur I was feeling.
Lord, what is this and what do I do with it?  This ache.  This hurt.  Lots of coulda, shoulda, woulda.  All of these thoughts – honest and raw emotion pacing with each step.  Doubts and questions pounding the pavement.
God, what do I do with this pain?
When the house was empty of backpacks and water bottles, I went upstairs and closed my eyes under the steady hum of the shower.  There is something about that confined space mixed with the noise of the steamy water that quiets me enough to hear that still small voice.
Be filled.
You are responsible for you, not the events around you.   You are responsible for what you say and do.  You can control you.  Leave everything else to me.  You don’t have to manage life anymore.  Just obey me and be filled.
I went to work and looked up “Be Filled.”

Ephesians 3:17-19 (NIV)

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Filled to the measure of all the fullness of God!  Oh, that God would completely fill this tender ache with His love!  I wrote down the temporary ways I have tried to fill it when something has pressed open that tender spot on my heart.
What if I intentionally pick up the Bible instead of a doughnut when this happens?   What if I veg out on the Word instead of the internet when I need to escape?  What if I tell Him what I feel and let His love pour into that hurt {that cup}. He loves me, accepts me, approves me, chooses me, and even “likes” me.  What if the next time something hits that tender spot in my heart, I rush to His Urgent Care and let Him hook up an IV directly to the ache and fill me with His love?
Next time arrived.
I was having lunch with a friend, and we were laughing and crying over pasta.  We were exchanging truths of how much God loves us, especially in the raw pain of tender hurts.  Our waitress approached our table each time with “I am sorry to interrupt” because it was intense.  When lunch was over, I sat in my car and read an email that screamed this one word in my head:

REJECTED!!!! 

In the 3 mile winding drive back to work, my brain is firing extremes!  I quit.  I give up.  I’m mad.  I’m sad.  I can’t do this anymore.
My lower lip was somewhere on my steering wheel.
As I stepped onto the pavement I heard,  “YOU ARE NOT CRUSHED”.    I looked it up:

 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 (MSG)

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That’s to prevent anyone from confusing God’s incomparable power with us. As it is, there’s not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we’re not much to look at. We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken.

I ended up reading the whole chapter in the Message version.  His Word poured into the hurt, and filled it with His Love.
2 Corinthians 4 and the song “It Is Well” by Kristene DiMarco & Bethel Music {on repeat} gave me fresh hope this week.

If you are feeling crushed, know that you are not!

If you are feeling rejected, know that you are cherished!

You are beloved.

You are adored.

You are precious.

You are His princess.

You are His.

It is well.