Wrecked

My son and I were sitting at the stoplight when we felt the impact that pushed us into the car in front of us.  The mason jars in the back made it sound like glass shattering, but the noise that had my focus was my son yelling in panic, “What just happened??  Are we going to die?”
I sat there wide-eyed assuring him that everything was going to be okay and that we were fine.  I saw the person in front me get out of their car to call 911, so I called my husband.
As we were waiting for the police to come, my husband and kids ran up and my girl was crying.  I stood with fear flashing in the glow of the blue lights and looked into her puffy eyes and hugged her tight whispering “Everything is going to be okay.  I promise.”
I assured them it was all going to be just fine.
Then my youngest saw my car, and he was upset because our car was broken. He wondered aloud can we fix it and what are we going to do, along with many, many other questions.
My heart was still pounding, as I brought three terrified kids home alone.  When we walked into the dark house, my youngest reminded me that I promised them hot chocolate.  So after making and spilling and cleaning up an entire large mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows, we made our weary climb up the steps to rest.
Yes, I said they could all sleep in my bed.  Life is short.  We are scared.  We are counting our blessings.  So they all piled in, with my oldest sideways at the foot of the bed.  We prayed.
My first tear fell as I listened to their tender prayers.
“God, help me to forget that today happened.  Help me to not hear that noise.  Please make it stop replaying in my mind.”
“God, I’m so afraid.  Help me to not be scared.  I was so afraid.  I knew something bad was going to happen today. Thank you that mommy and brother are okay.”
“God, thank you no one was hurt, but please fix our car.  Help the police.  Make it all better.”
I prayed last with my voice quaking, thanking God for protecting us.  We were all fine, but I was exhausted and incredibly sad.
I could not sleep.  At All.
It hit me, that even a minor fender bender was major in the eyes and heart of a child.  I desperately wanted them to know that we were all going to be okay and that they did not have to worry.  I wanted to protect them and make them feel safe.  I wanted them to have sweet dreams.
And then I thought of her, the little girl in me.  
Alone.  Scared to death.  Silent.
No one told her it was going to be okay and that everything would be fine. 
Just the opposite.  
She could never tell.  If she said anything really bad things would happen and it would be all her fault.
And then I thought of my kids again and how it is almost impossible to get them to keep a secret for any length of time, no matter what!
And I remembered what it was like for her tiny shoulders to carry the responsibility of keeping the secrets from everyone, all the time.
I was wrecked.
And it is here in the scattered debris from the wreckage – God meets me.
He takes me into His lap and holds my little girl hand as I share the words with Him that were used to make me silent and afraid.
My chest heaves as I sob the heavy weight away, the years of very real fears from lies that were whispered in the darkness.  Lies that were far too heavy for a little girl to bear.
He holds me close and speaks truth into my broken heart as I rest in His arms.
My child, you are strong and courageous. You don’t have to be afraid or terrified because of them, for I am with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. {Deuteronomy 31:6}
Maybe you are feeling weary and wrecked?  Maybe you can still faintly hear the lies that were whispered into your ear.  You are not alone.  He is with you. Take a moment to rest and let the truth of this beautiful song wash over you.   Listen and Believe.

Linking up with the Faith Barista {Bonnie Gray}

& Suzie Eller