He watches me.

Music has been a huge part of my healing journey.  Ironically, it can be both a trigger and a comfort. My husband and I used to argue over what station to keep the radio on.  He liked anything but current music, and I only wanted to listen to the songs that were new and recent.
There were times where I would abruptly change the channel and he would change it back. I would just sit there wide-eyed, angry and silent.  I would stare out of the window chasing the darkness away in my mind as it twirled to the beat, taunting me with images.  Not all songs were bad.  Sometimes a song would evoke a good memory, and I’d sing along.  I am sure it was confusing to him.  It was confusing to me.

At most of my counseling sessions, I would come in and bring up the song that triggered me and talk about why it bothered me. I started to put words to my darkness.  I started to say what I had been singing in my mind for years.   The lyrics made sense of the silence and the secrets. It was painful.
But God is gracious.  I would also hear new songs of hope and healing, songs of comfort.  I will never forget the first time I heard “Take Me To The King” by Tamela Mann, and many others.   I would talk about a song at almost every counseling session, and many times it was a song I had just heard moments before on the twenty-minute drive to her office.
At one particular session I brought in a box we had been working on and I opened it to show her all that was inside. The inside of the box was filled with words clipped from magazines that were things about me I wanted to hide.  The outside of the box was covered with words to describe me that I am ok with others seeing.
Here is a peek inside just one inside corner of the box:

It was brave, and I remember feeling like all of those words said everything.  When I left that night I heard an amazing version of “His Eye is On The Sparrow” – and I sang it as the sun set on the drive home.  I wrote about it here:  His Eye Is On This Sparrow
And then, a year later a gentleman walked into my office to see me, and had a CD called It’s Healing Time – with “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” as the first song.  I wrote about it too:  It’s Healing Time
AND THEN, just last week, I was on my way to my new ‘every two weeks’ counseling session and the Tanya Blount/Lauryn Hill version of “His Eye is On The Sparrow” came on again!  I recorded it because I have only heard this version play on the radio twice, and I can’t find it on iTunes.  Right at the end, they were singing,  “I know He watches, I know He watches, I know He watches….”
AND IT HIT ME!
HE watches me.  
I walked into her office and played the song and pointed up and said, “HE watches me.  He saw it all.  He knows.
HE was watching me when he was watching me.
He saw what I went through.  There was another set of eyes in that room, and He has never taken His eyes off of me.  He was with me in the pain and the shame.”
It was Healing.  It was Time, and it all connected in a beautiful redemptive way.
God restores everything.   He redeems all of the pieces.  He brings order to chaos.
I wrote this on Friday, and left it as a draft.  We went away for the weekend as a family so we missed church, and on the way home my daughter insisted we have church in the car.  So we played some worship music while she prepared her sermon.  I snapped her picture and wrote down her words on Instagram:
{#Church in the car. My girl is looking up verses on #BibleGateway and preaching a sermon… “God watches us always.” She started in the beginning (Genesis 1) to the birth of Jesus (Luke 2) to Revelation ending in amen. A timeline, a storyline. God was there from beginning to end …. Always watching us. God loves us. He keeps an eye on the sparrow – He keeps his eye on us. He’s always there… Watching us. Loving us.  #BeStillMyHeart #ThankYouJesus 🎶His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He Watches Me!🎶}
The title of her sermon?  “God Watches Us Always.”  She even quoted the verse about the sparrow and requested we play “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” at the end.
Out of the mouths of babes.  Oh my heart!
God is so BIG and HE weaves everything together for our good.  If you haven’t trusted Him with your healing – GO FOR IT.   He’s watching you now.  He was watching you then.  He’s waiting patiently with open arms, to heal and restore ALL that was taken and to redeem ALL that was lost.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee:

& Bonnie Gray:

& Suzie Eller