The steam was just starting to disappear on the mirror as I prayed in the bathroom for God to help me. I woke up to an intense bad dream, startled and shaken. A cold Diet Coke and some time in the Word helped refresh and calm me. The humming of the hairdryer stopped and a song starting playing on Pandora that I had never heard before…First by Lauren Daigle.
I listened intently to each word as I applied make-up and just felt this strong desire to fall on my knees and spend more time with the Lord.
But, I didn’t have time. I was in a hurry because I had to give a five-minute speech in front of a live audience and a video camera for the first time. I felt like I would burst if I stopped for one minute.
I told God to wait. “Not now, Lord.”
I wanted to and needed to, but I didn’t want to mess up my make-up and was afraid if I started crying I would never stop. Bad dreams, fear and nervousness can easily send my emotions all over the place, and I just needed to be strong and get through this video.
“Please help me, Lord.”
I heard Him in my spirit, “Here, come to me…”
“I will at 3:30 today – God, I will meet with you and we can have a sweet time of fellowship together. I will pour out my heart to you. I look forward to our time together. God, please help me…”
I turned the lights out and headed towards the conference room. I didn’t realize we were having worship prior to rolling the tapes. Just as the music started playing, I felt the wave of emotion building up in me again and I felt chills all over as we sang, “It Is Well”.
The Lord brought to mind one of my first counseling sessions.
I remembered her asking me, “Michelle, do you know the song ‘It Is Well’? Do you know the story behind the song? One day, it will be well with your soul.”
I had whispered back, “It will never be well with my soul.”
And here, three years later… I am standing in worship with other sisters in Christ proclaiming IT IS WELL, and it truly is well with my soul!
A flood of tears like I have not cried in a long time just poured. My friend beside me grabbed tissues and looked at me alarmed. I could not stop crying. Thank you Jesus, was all I could manage to mumble as I praised Him for His healing.
I went to the bathroom to dab my puffy eyes. I took deep breaths as I waited for my turn to look into the eyes of the women in that room and share how He had pursued me. I smiled realizing He was still pursuing me. Even this morning, when in my rush I tried to delay… he met me anyway.
It’s in the love of His pursuit that we are able to reach out and pursue others. It enables us to see things from His perspective. He knew I needed to release those tears and let it go before I stood in front of that camera. He knows. He knows best. His timing is always perfect.
This is my video from the Christian Communicators Conference, and in it I share how Jesus met me in my brokenness. He is so very faithful, and I am thankful for His patience and grace.
How has He pursued you? How did you respond? Take a moment to reflect, and give Him thanks!
Linking up with Kelly Balarie:
This is so powerful and beautiful, Melissa – uh, I mean Michelle 🙂 I’m so thankful for Betty and for the God-story of your life. Thank you for sharing and for being the light. You encourage me to “look up” today and see things from His perspective. Love you, my pursued sister.
Renee, I am so thankful for meeting you and knowing you. You are such a blessing to me. Thank you for shining His light with your words! Love you, my chosen and called sister!
This is so powerful and inspiring, Michelle. Both this post and the video. I’m so grateful above all to Jesus for pursuing you, but also to Betty. I am so proud of you for opening up about your story and for speaking out to other women. Surely God is with you! I’m still so sorry you were sexually abused as a child. Praying for ever deeper healing for you. Blessings and hugs!
Thank you Trudy for being such an encouraging friend. Betty is incredible – you would just love her! She makes us all want to be a “Betty”. Praying for you too. Much love to you.
Thank you for the reminder that God’s promises come back to us again and again at unexpected times!
Thank you for being here! Yes, He is faithful!!
Ohmygoodness! I am SO moved by this! I can’t tell you how much your pursuing of me, over these past two very hard years, means so very much to me. I will always treasure you as my sister in Christ. Thank you for sharing with us this awesome story, and thank you for being Michelle.
I love you! x)
Thank you for being Urs, and for being my sister in Christ YOU are loved, treasured, and adored by the King Most High, and I am forever thankful for you, your friendship, and your heart! BIG hugs back to you! Love you, too!
I’ve been behind on reading here lately, but Michelle I’m so glad I took the time to read your blogs and watch your video this morning. Thanks so much for your encouraging words to look to Him. God has given you a great gift of encouragement and sharing in front of others. I’m supposed to share in front of a group anonymously at some point. I’m really nervous. Watching you though made me think if Michelle can so it then maybe so can I. God bless!
Liz, thank you for your kind words and encouragement! I am cheering you on friend because we can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength! (Phil 4:13) I will be praying for you and for the impact your words will have on others! Big hugs and a high five – you go girl!