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When life feels like a Fun House

Sleepless nights
I couldn’t sleep last night. Again.
There were times when I could easily blame caffeine. But this wasn’t caffeine.
This was anxiety, worry, and questioning God while tossing and turning.
Even when I attempted to close my eyes, my heart full of angst was wrestling inside of me.
There would be no sleep.
It’s a familiar place as I have been here before, but it’s been a while.
It’s almost like seeing life as a Fun House at the amusement park, but this is not fun at all. As I am walking through it the floors move, and the stairs stop suddenly halfway up to the next level. The walls give when I lean against them and mirrors reflect anything but what I am expecting. Furniture that was once there shifts. I think my mind is playing tricks on me. Maybe it is just an illusion, I hope.
But, it is very real.

It is at this moment, everything piles up and overwhelms me. My child is hurting and I want the pain to go away, now. Everything around me starts to fall apart like a row of dominos. Have you ever felt this way? Perhaps your job isn’t going so well and you don’t know what to do. Or maybe, your marriage is shaky and you are not sure why or how to make it solid again. You are sick and you just want to be better. Maybe others have let you down, and it has thrown you for a loop. Perhaps church is breaking your heart. Or, a friendship is fading. Something precious is lost.
There is betrayal, harm, disappointment and insecurity in every room. Trust is hard to find anywhere.
You have no control. Zero. There is nothing you can possibly do to change any of the circumstances.
You don’t understand it.
You can’t change it.
You can’t fix it.
And it hurts.
Have you been here?  Does any of that resonate with you? (I always think, “Maybe, it’s just me?”)
As I kicked the covers around, I was  believing Romans 8:28….God will work it out for my good. He has done it before, but the questions continued to roll around in my mind.
I wanted answers. I wanted to know what to do. I wanted all the wrong things to be right again. Scenarios played out in my head as I tossed and turned throughout the night.
I wanted control. I needed stability. I longed to believe and trust that life wasn’t like a Fun House after all.
In my weariness, I needed strength.
I read scripture, and I needed to pray, but words escaped me. I could not open my mouth.

I cannot sleep until you act. I am too distressed even to pray!

Psalm 77:4 TLB

Finally at 5am, I closed my eyes and I saw myself in an open field and I screamed the emphasized words below (in my head – I didn’t want to wake up my husband & kids):

GOD, I need you.

God, I need you.

God, I NEED you.

God, I need YOU.

He came, and I drifted to sleep and woke up a few hours later with peace. I still didn’t have any answers, but I had Jesus and He is enough.
HE is stronger than any of our circumstances.
His love never fails, even when everything else is falling apart.

Be still and know that He is God.  Psalm 46:10

Sometimes, life feels like a Fun House and it is not fun at all. During these times, cling to Jesus and let Him carry you through.  When any and everything around you feels unsteady – He is firm and steadfast. Don’t give up, just cry out to Him, praise Him, and keep going.

Cry Out To HimMy soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord;my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

Praise Him 

For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke. Psalm 66_17 (NLT)-2

Keep Going 

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed becaus

What about you? What verses help you on sleepless nights?

Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee

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  1. Lovely post!
    Be still and know that He is God. Psalm 46:10 – lovely text. I thought about this text today as I was writing my post.
    Praying “God I need you” is so so sooooo powerful.

    1. Thank you! Psalm 46:10 {Know} is my word for 2016, and I had no idea how much I would be clinging to it – He knew! Such a powerful verse, and even when all you can say is “God, I need you,” He is there. Thank you for your post on Worry. It blessed me and I love the verses you shared. Such powerful truth reminders! Thank you for being here!

  2. Psalm 4:8 “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

  3. I so identify with this, Michelle. We want to fix things, but we can’t. This is such an encouraging reminder – “HE is stronger than any of our circumstances.” It’s so hard to understand, but I’m so glad God gave you some peace in it. You and your precious daughter remain in my heart and prayers!

    1. So thankful for your friendship and prayers, Trudy. So thankful for His strength as we learn to be still and know. It’s not easy when we want to fix things and worry. I am so thankful for you and the encouragement that you give to so many of us. You display His strength in a mighty way! Blessings to you!

  4. Yes, you describe it so well-that fun house that is no fun. I’m so sorry for all the pain and wish i could take it all away and make it all better! Thankful that HE IS working all for good-in ways far above what we could ever imagine! Love you all and am praying for His healing and peace and that He continues to show you His presence in powerful ways as He carries you through!💗

  5. PS 66:17 is such a powerful scripture, esp. in the version above and with that graphic. Beautiful! His word never returns void, even on those hard, sleepless nights. When I can’t sleep I pray for others and situations. Enjoyed visiting with you, Michelle.

  6. Yes He is stronger than any of our circumstances. I have many nights I have a hard time sleeping and sometimes praying works and sometimes not. Mine has come with aging and I guess hormones but also lots of my minds some nights.

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