Something changed in me the day I stood in the sterile cold surroundings of the trauma unit with a bright light shining on my daughter. To be honest, something changed in all of us. Trauma changes things, good and bad. It’s ripple effects are far-reaching.
My heart cried wordless groans for nearly two hours, the longest two hours of my life. I will never forget the joy I felt when she finally opened her eyes and spoke clearly for a cup of water. I was thirsty too, but it was a desperate thirst for prayer, hope, and healing.
What made me feel absolutely powerless, pointed me to the absolute greatest power.
When I knew I had no control, I leaned heavily on the One who Is in control.
Shortly after the two months of recovery, my daughter and I saw a post on Facebook where Mia Hamm was coming to coach a soccer clinic nearby for girls her age. With her head down she simply sighed, “I wish I could go.”
Early the next morning in the quiet, my Mama heart cracked a bit more as I looked online for tickets and found they could not be purchased. It was a contest hosted by Blue Cross and Blue Shield of NC and you had to win the tickets. I found the link, pledged to LiveFearless, and entered my email address. I told my husband not to even mention it to her because I didn’t think we would win.
A few months later, she came into our room late one night and she was very upset. We talked with her and encouraged her. We assured her that we loved her and that God loved her too. She said, “I just feel different now.”
Cracks penetrated my heart a little more.
We hugged her and sent her to bed, and she returned and in tears asked us to pray with her. We prayed with her, kissed her forehead, and tucked her in.
As my head hit the pillow, my heart hit the floor and shattered.
The little girl in me knew too well what it felt like to feel different.
She knew what it felt like to wonder if anyone really loved her.
She knew what if felt like to wonder if God even loved her.
I understood how those feelings led to deeply ingrained feelings of unworthiness, and I did not want that for my daughter. In the shower the next morning, the words I longed to pray the night before became bold and loud.
I prayed for God to show her how much He loved her. I asked Him to help her to see that she is wonderfully made. I wanted her to know and believe she is His masterpiece and the apple of His eye. I wanted her to see and experience the deep lavish love He has for His daughters.
That prayer came from a deep place in my mother heart, and it also reached the healed wounds of the little girl in me. It was as if we were both acknowledging, believing and fighting for the truth together. It was fierce because we both understood how important this battle is to fight.
It was just a few hours later when I received an email at work that said: “YOU WON” in the subject line. I opened the email and read it and read it again, before calling my husband and telling him to bring her to me right away.
I printed the email, and had her sit down. She thought we were going to continue our discussion from the night before. I started by telling her that I had just prayed for her that morning. I said, “I prayed you would know with all of your heart, without a doubt, how much we love you and how much Jesus loves you. I prayed you would know without a shadow of a doubt that you are precious, adored and cherished and that we love you.” Then I shared with her that I had just received an email, and I wanted her to read it. As she read it, her eyes filled with excitement, pure joy, and then big tears!
We hugged in excitement as I whispered, “Me too baby, me too!”
There was so much JOY.
Jesus answered my prayer in ways bigger than I could have ever dreamed or anticipated. His timing was perfect, and His hands were all over it. I made a minute long video of her response and I have watched it over and over to remind me that JESUS is faithful.
He is teaching me to trust Him and to cry out to Him and pray bold prayers and trust His timing. He continues to show me how important it is to KNOW and BELIEVE that I am a princess in need of a King. I am His princess and He is my King, and my daughters and other daughters are watching and taking it all in. What will they see?
If we as mother’s can believe and acknowledge our identity in Christ and can instill and pray that for our daughters – can you imagine our impact in the Kingdom?
Prayer: God, help us. Give us wisdom as your daughters. When we doubt, give us faith. When we fall down, lift us up! Help us to know that we know that we know who we are in YOU and to love you with all of our being. Help us to share your love with others. Thank you Jesus for hearing our prayers.
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee