I sat at my desk by the window, and opened my laptop. Instead of typing anything, I just stared at the blank page and the blanket of snow outside. The snowflakes were dancing to the song “Like An Avalanche” by Hillsong. With a single candle burning, I paused in that moment to Thank Him for His grace. I thanked Him for taking my blood red sins and making them white as snow.
I never thought it would be possible.
You see, it wasn’t just that I was a sinner. I thought was I broken beyond repair, and I somehow thought maybe Jesus made me broken. Maybe I was just supposed to be a broken girl. A broken girl smeared with shame.
What else was I supposed to think?
No one ever talked about Childhood Sexual Abuse, so I grew up thinking it was ME. That something was very wrong with me.
With abuse, I learned to be very still and quiet. I froze. Then, one day someone else touched me, and I didn’t move. So they kept doing it. Because they could.
Because I didn’t stop them. And then it happened again. And Again.
How do I stop them? How do I say no? What is NO?
What is wrong with me?
The sins of others covered me long before I would decide to throw my own blood red sin on top of it. By then, what did it matter? I felt worthless and used, covered in layers of shame.
I hid my hurt behind smiles and laughter, but inside I was an absolute mess tangled in so much confusion.
And then, I met Jesus.
His truth untangled the lies.
His grace met my angry cries.
His love opened my eyes.
He called me daughter (Mark 5:34). He asked me if I wanted to get well (John 5:6) . He whispered to my heart, “Tabitha Koum, Little girl, get up!” (Mark 5:41).
In counseling, He helped me to sort through the web of lies and discover the truth about who He created me to be. A masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). Fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). More than a Conqueror (Romans 8:37). Healed (Luke 8:50). Greatly loved (Romans 5:8).
Each memory and every layer of shame was washed in His truth and love.
He washed me white as snow.
He can wash you too. Whatever sins you have committed and whatever sins were committed against you, His arms are open to you. Step into His light and be cleansed by His truth.
Prayer: Lord, I praise you for your healing. Thank you for giving me the courage to talk about something that is so incredibly difficult and complicated. The enemy would love for us to keep quiet and keep it hidden, as sins thrive in the darkness. Freedom thrives in the light and in the truth. God, I pray you will touch our hearts and help us to walk in your promises. God, mend our broken hearts and make us new. Break the chains Lord, and make us clean. In the Holy and Precious name of Jesus, I pray… Amen.
Come on now, let’s walk and talk; let’s work this out.
Your wrongdoings are blood red,
But they can turn as white as snow.
Your sins are red like crimson,
But they can be made clean again like new wool. Isaiah 1:18 VOICE
If I can pray for you specifically, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or comment below.
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee #TellHisStory