I could barely utter the words to my counselor. Vulgar words were whispered to me in the darkness to describe my body parts and they were playing over and over in my mind like a skipping record.
Who says that to a child?
Childhood Sexual Abuse is not silent abuse. It is incredibly loud. The words cut like swords and leave deep wounds in the heart, mind, body and soul.
Words that were threats to keep me silent.
Words that made me think I deserved or wanted the abuse.
Words that made me feel responsible.
Words that made me feel like something was wrong with me.
Words that filled my tank to the rim with insecurity, fear, anxiety, paranoia, and shame.
And while I smiled and did my best on the outside to show the world that everything was just fine, those words continued to taunt my insides.
My lips trembled when I spelled some of those words to my counselor with my head bowed in shame and fear. As hard as it was to share them with her, it helped me tremendously to get them out of my head and into the light.
The secrets were all lies, and they were being replaced with new words filled with truth.
I am not alone.
I have a voice.
I am worthy of love.
It was not my fault.
I am wonderfully made.
His truth replenished my empty tank with hope, faith, love, thankfulness, and courage.
Yes, the lies and secrets cut like swords.
But His Truth is sharper.
For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. Hebrews 4:12 NLT