Who is God to me?
If you asked me that question 8 years ago, you would get a completely different answer.
I went to church, but I was so confused about God. I compartmentalized him, along with other parts of my life. I put Him in a box because I was afraid of Him. I could not comprehend how I could be His daughter. How was it even possible that He loved me? How could I trust Him?
I was so filled with the lies, shame and disgust of my past that I spent most of my present just trying to fly under His radar.
Maybe if I am good enough.
Maybe if I pray enough.
Maybe if I go to church enough.
Maybe if I read my Bible enough.
Maybe if I do enough.
And yet, it was never enough.
Finally, I was overwhelmed with life and hit rock bottom. I broke down and reached out for help. My counselor helped me to peel back the lies and misconceptions that I had about God. As I began my journey to heal from childhood sexual abuse, I realized that part of me was hidden and tucked away in desperate pain. Then, there was another part of me that others were able to see where I appeared to have it all together.
When those two parts of me finally collided, I discovered God up close and personal.
God was nothing like I thought He was and He didn’t think of me the way I thought He did.
There I was, broken before Him and longing to be healed. I wanted freedom and peace, but could I trust Him?
Was it possible for me to believe He truly loved me and He cared for me?
I didn’t know and wasn’t sure I could even answer those questions, but I started taking baby steps towards His open arms and each step brought me more healing and freedom.
What about you?
Think about the most broken, hidden and painful pieces of your life. Imagine Him standing before you with His arms open wide asking you to come. Will you take a baby step towards His light and His truth to discover His love for you personally?
Will you trust Him?
Take a deep breath and a baby step.
You can do it.
Who is God to me?