January 4, 2013
I walked out of my office on a Friday afternoon to see the most magnificent pink sky. I stopped in the parking lot and thought, “God is this for me? Could it really be for me? Does anyone else in the world love pink the way I do for the reasons I do?”
It was as if He had written me a note in the sky:
Dear Michelle, I am interrupting your bad day to present to you this important message – I LOVE YOU. Surely this flowing PINK SKY will warm your heart and you will feel me wrap my loving arms around you and assure you that you are complete and whole in me. I am all you need. This message brought to you by Your Father In Heaven Who Adores You.
I took a picture of the sky and rushed home to show my kids, but it was gone. As quickly as it came, it left. So I showed them the picture on my phone and then I posted it on Facebook. Shortly after posting it, I started to see other pictures posted of the same sky and in some ways it started to diminish it for me. I started thinking maybe it was silly for me to think God would do that just for me. Either way, I was thankful I had the picture to remind me how it felt to feel His love.
On Sunday morning, we woke up late and I kept thinking I should just rush and hurry up to get to church. It was as if God gently asked me, “Why?” When I honestly looked inside and answered the question, I realized I was more worried about the checklist and appearing good. As soon as I admitted that it was as if He said, “I am here with you. Let’s have church.”
And boy did we have church! I worked through the homework for the Breaking Free Bible Study by Beth Moore. The lesson was on His Unfailing Love and for three hours we went to empty places together. I listened to music, I cried and He continually comforted me, encouraged me and loved me. I felt it.
I didn’t feel bad for missing church that Sunday because I had such an intimate time with Him. I realized my motivation for going to church was not about finding Him but more out of fear. I was afraid of being punished and stepping on any cracks. He was tearing down my walls, and rebuilding them with truth. He didn’t just want me to go to church. He wanted me to seek Him.
He didn’t want me to just go through the motions, He wanted all of my heart. I was in tears as I realized how much He loved me because it was as if I had just a glimpse of it for the first time.
On Wednesday night at the Breaking Free Bible Study, I felt prompted to answer two of the questions. I usually stayed very quiet and rarely contributed, but this time I shared. The first questions was “Can you think of a time when you were suddenly awash with the magnitude of God’s love for you personally?” I had one word written in code in my book: Hardwoods, and I was not going to share that story. So instead I said, I won’t share what I’ve written in my book but I will tell you about last Friday. I had a really bad day and when I walked out to see that incredible pink sky it was as if God put that in the sky for me.” Then I paused and added, “Many of you may have thought it was for you, but it was for me.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth I thought to myself, “DO you really believe that?? Now they must think you are crazy! Surely, God does not paint a beautiful canvas in His sky for YOU of all people.”
I quieted as the mean voices in my head continued.
The next question was “How would you explain the difference between God’s love and human love, even at its best? In the margin offer several examples of how God’s love differs. When I felt prompted this time, I quickly said out loud, “I am not even sure I answered this correctly but I wrote: He never grows tired of me or weary of me. I do not shock, bore or frustrate Him. He doesn’t turn His back, avoid or ignore me.”
At this point for someone who has not shared much, I felt completely weird in what I shared and thought of all of the questions I could have answered – why those two? They felt so vulnerable, unsure, raw and real.
The teaching video started and I listened as Beth Moore described a time when she was so drained and worn out from a speaking engagement. She shared how the enemy really attacked her in those moments when she was so tired and she just needed a fresh touch from God. On her way home in the cab, she saw a magnificent sunset with beautiful rays shooting down and she mentioned it to the cab driver, but he didn’t seem amused. Then as they traveled on she still marveled at it from a different angle, and then as they pulled into her subdivision she exclaimed “I kid you not! It was as if that magnificent sunset was over my house for me by God. He did that for me. He loves me that much – and I felt His enormous peace!”
At this point, my eyes are full, my heart is pounding and every hair on my body is standing up. I have chills.
Then she said, “This is a letter I wrote – it’s not Biblical but it is personal about why God loves Beth Moore. It is all of the ways he loves me and I want to share it with you.” Some of her responses were quite similar to my answer before that I had made personal such as “I do not bore Him.”
As I was leaving, it was as if God continued His letter to me:
I am quite capable of painting a magnificent tapestry of pink in the sky for you and I do love you enough to paint it. While you felt silly sharing what I prompted you to share tonight I hope you see that in my love for you I am not ashamed of you. I wanted the ladies in that room with you to see and know how much I love you. You are that big to my heart and you are that important to me. How quickly you doubt, how quickly you forget…how fast you are to deny your worth – so I gave you a room of women to affirm and seal in your mind how much I love you…to remind you that you never shock me. You never bore me. I won’t turn my back on you and I never have. I made you in my image and I love you with all of it.
With love you will never comprehend,
Your Father In Heaven & On Earth
This is post #13 in the Baby Steps series. To start at the beginning, click here.