Are you shrinking back?
Why yes, I am. Or at least I have been for most of my life.
I didn’t think of it as shrinking back. I affectionately called it “flying under the radar.”
I didn’t want to be too much.
Flying below the radar felt safe.
Not the best, not the worst. Somewhere safe in the middle.
I’ll go to a social gathering, but my goal is to blend in with others.
I don’t want to stand out.
I don’t want the attention, good or bad.
Any attention triggers fear in me.
Trauma equates safety with disappearing, shrinking back, blending in, and flying under the radar.
Can you relate?
Recently, as I’ve worked to publish my memoir of healing from sexual abuse, I’ve noticed how deeply ingrained this “hiding” is in me.
It’s impossible to walk in obedience and be vulnerable when you are trying to hide at the same time.
This leads to rapid heartbeats, surges of adrenaline, and anxiety, followed by exhaustion. I found this out recently when I spoke about How to Thrive in the Ruins.
Why am I so afraid?
I recently posted a video of my sweet dog howling along with my daughter’s new harmonica. I posted it on Maisy Jane’s Instagram, and suddenly my phone started dinging over and over from the likes. (Click the image below to see her reel on Instagram).
My initial response was to delete the video. Instead, I asked my son to turn off the notifications so I wouldn’t hear the ding. Then someone left a thumbs down, and I wanted to delete it again.
What is my problem? Does anyone else feel this way?
This week, God revealed some of the reasons I want to hide. Usually, it involves feeling safe; other times, it is the lie that tells me I am “too much.” It is better to be quiet and stay back.
God is showing me how these “go-to” habits of hiding are not His natural design for me.
He has a better way.
Freely and lightly are above the radar. This is where we shine for Him. It’s hope, trust, and safety all in one.
God created you to shine.
Are you shrinking back? Think about what makes you shrink back. Pray, journal about it, and consider how it impacts your life today. What lies hold you back?
What would it look like for you to fly above the radar and shine?
Declaration: (say it with me)
I am not shrinking back. I will shine the light of Jesus and fly above the radar in safety with Christ.
A big part of publishing a book involves growing your platform. For the month of October, I am joining the 31 Day Platform Challenge with Ginny Yttrup. I plan to keep showing up and shining, even when I feel like shrinking back. Will you please pray for me?
How will you shine this week? I would love to hear from you and pray for you, too.