Another layer of healing
I know He redeems. God, will you do it again?
Last September, a friend invited my family to stay at her beach home. We had just met in July, and I mentioned that Carolina Beach was my favorite place to go. If you know me well, that’s because I love wings and donuts – and the Shucking Shack has the best Thai chili wings and steamed shrimp – and Britts? Britts donuts are like Lays – you can’t eat just one! The food is fantastic, plus the sunrises are incredible there. It’s right over the ocean. No alarm clock needed.
I was thrilled to go to the beach, but sadly, my family couldn’t join me. They all had other plans and said, “Go, Mom! Have fun – we will be fine.”
I planned to focus on some Journey Pink projects. I had several ideas, and this time away would be perfect to focus on getting them done.
But God, what should I work on?
Shortly after praying that prayer, I opened Facebook and an online friend posted, “Snap a photo and I’ll give you a prophetic word of encouragement.” I scanned the other pictures and saw that mostly the prophetic words were regarding ministry and direction. So, I snapped the pic at the stop sign and posted it.
I continued to pray and think about how I could “work” on Journey Pink at the beach. I wanted to do what God had in mind for me. My mind raced with excitement and anticipation.
Later that evening, I opened Facebook, and there was the notification. Whew! I hoped to get the direction and insight I needed.
And then I read it. Do you know what it said?
Michelle Viscuse: “There is another layer of healing that awaits you. Your voice, your healing, your gifts you pour out will abundantly grow as your healing transcends deeper.”
Another layer of healing?
Are you kidding me? Well, that wasn’t encouraging. And what could it mean? Why? What is left to heal? What does that even mean?
The excitement of working on Journey Pink fizzled, but I still went to the beach and put my toes in the sand. I started reading a book for work that I needed to read called Perfectly Hidden Depression by Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Sitting on the beach and reading the first three chapters, I thought, “Wow, this resonates.”
Then it was time for dinner, and you can guess what that looked like—wings and shrimp followed by Britts donuts.
I got home at about 7 to watch the sunset from the room. As I laid across the bed, I prayed that God would heal me. Whatever it is, please heal me. And I fell asleep before it turned dark and slept through the night. I needed sleep, and it was good to rest.
The next morning, I worked on my website for a bit, but it was rainy and I missed my family, so I headed home early.
Being the occasional optimist, I thought, “Maybe my deeper layer of healing involved getting rest?” I continued to work on Journey Pink, and those words “deeper layer of healing” floated around in my mind. Occasionally, the mean thoughts would come, “How can you help someone heal if you aren’t fully healed?” and old faithful, “Who do you think you are?”
You know what? I’m not sure “fully healed” exists for survivors this side of heaven. God can do anything. It’s possible, but He graciously meets us where we are and heals us in His timing with His care.
Shortly after that trip, I fell face-first into that deeper layer of healing. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It knocked me flat and took nearly all the wind out of my sails.
I cried, screamed, stomped, and shook my fist at the injustice and the absolute cruelty. Thirteen years of healing faded in an instant. The fears returned. The dreams were torment. The panic settled on my chest again. Trust erased. Anger pounded.
Life had to go on, but there were moments when I wished it went without me. I’ve never encountered a rock bottom this low.
But God.
I have a history with a Faithful God who has walked me through fires, and when He brought me out, there was no smell of smoke. My broken heart knew the faithfulness and gentleness of a loving God.
He’s faithful like that – I can’t tell you how often something happens, and later I remember a dream or a conversation with someone that lets me know God knew this was coming and He was preparing me. Every surprise to me was no surprise to Him. In the valleys, He taught me to trust Him with everything, especially my heartache.
Piece by piece, I’m giving it to Him, all of it. The weight is too much to bear on my own.
I’m trading each piece for His peace.
As awful as life can be, we serve a faithful God who will restore what the locusts have eaten. He makes beauty from ashes. He heals and makes all things new. He takes what the enemy intended for evil and uses it for good.
I wrote my story, Journey Pink: The Story of a Princess in Need of a King (a memoir of healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse), so others could see the hope and healing of a faithful God in awful circumstances.
I know He redeems. God, will you do it again?
If you are in a season of suffering and pain right now, please know you are not alone. I don’t know what’s happening in your life; you don’t have to give details. But it’s ok to say I’m not ok, please pray for me.
Let’s honor and hold space for each other. We are the hands and feet of Jesus to those who are hurting.
But sometimes, we are those who are hurting.
