Abuse

You meditate on His Promises

~ Michelle Viscuse ~ 2 Comments

My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.

Psalm 119:148

For many years, I have heard those awful mean voices in my head that tell me I am not enough. Over and over, they declare that I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, and I am not strong enough.  Whatever the challenge, they scream “You can’t do this!” And when I fail, I hear the awful taunting of “I told you so. Why do you even try?”    

It’s awful.

I wish I could tell you those mean voices are gone and that I don’t hear them anymore, but they are still there. However, I don’t hear them as often and they are not as loud as they used to be.  

What changed? 

I started talking back to them. I started declaring God’s promises to me and I’d say it right back to them.  

“You can’t do it. You will never be able to do it.”

  • Oh yeah? Well I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  

“You are going to fail. This is going to be a big flop.”

  • Maybe I will fail. Maybe this will flop, but I am still going to try. Even if it fails, it will be okay. I will keep going. God is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me.  

“Who do you think you are?” 

  •  Glad you asked. Me? I am chosen, loved, adored, precious, the apple of His eye and His princess.  Etc. Etc. Etc.

“Why bother? You are a nobody and nobody cares.”

  • HE cares. He leaves the 99 to find the one, and He found me and rescued me. I am His, and He cares deeply for me. He can use me to help others, even if it is just one.

“Don’t do it. You will regret it.”

  • I am going to do it. I will regret not trying. I may very well regret it, but then again, maybe I won’t. Either way, He is with me.

I am still a work in progress, but I am learning to fight back. The enemy has taken enough ground from me.

If you have mean voices in your head screaming at you, it can be challenging. It used to keep me frozen in fear. What helped me to thaw?  I found freedom in Christ and in His promises. The Truth will set you free.

For if you embrace the truth, it will release more freedom into your lives.

John 8:32 TPT

Discover the truth of what He says about you in His Word. Declare it over yourself daily. Memorize these truths, and recite them as needed. Write them down. Write down the lessons you learn from them. Implant them in your mind and your heart. Continue to make them so loud in your life that the mean voices become just a whisper.

I made a bookmark to remind me of His promises, and I will be happy to send you one in the mail. Email me at journeypink@gmail.com with your address. May His truth saturate your entire being. 

What truths help you to shut down the mean voices in your head?

You are believed.

~ Michelle Viscuse ~ 1 Comment

Some things are hard to talk about. Some things are hard to believe.  Some things are hard. 

As much as I wanted to tell my counselor some of my worst memories, it was hard for me to open my mouth and say a word.  

That’s the thing about a traumatic memory.  You don’t just retell it, you relive it.  

Your mind struggles to process it, and your mouth hesitates to say it, but your body screams.  Your body remembers every detail.  

Others may doubt you, and they may even tell you, “There’s no way. I don’t believe it happened.” 

You wish it didn’t happen. 

You wish you could forget. 

You wish you had it wrong. 

But you know your truth.

You know your reality. 

You know your struggle. 

I believe you.  Three simple words that change everything. 

When I described my worst memory to my counselor, I barely had words. I started with just a color, and then the words poured out. 

I was shaking when she asked me where was Jesus in that room.  I was convinced there was no way Jesus would be in that room.  She gently encouraged me to find Him and when I finally did, I knew I had a witness. 

He noticed.  He saw everything. He believed me. He comforted me. 

I knew my counselor and my husband believed me, but I wasn’t sure if others would believe me.  It really mattered to me then and it bothered me a lot.  

Psalm 10 became a comfort for me.  I even made a poster and filled it with many of these verses.  

But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;

    you consider their grief and take it in hand.

The victims commit themselves to you;

    you are the helper of the fatherless. 

Psalm 10:14

He sees everything. 

He knows everything. 

He understands triggers. 

He’s aware of your struggles. 

You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted;

    you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,

defending the fatherless and the oppressed,

    so that mere earthly mortals

    will never again strike terror. 

Psalm 10:18

If you didn’t hear those words, “I believe you” and you feel alone in the darkest memory of your life, you can ask God hard questions and find Him there. He believes you. 

I believe you.  

You are believed.  

You are led.

~ Michelle Viscuse ~ Leave a comment

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.

John 10:27 NIV

I told my counselor that I felt crazy telling her about the mean voices in my head.  She didn’t flinch when she asked me, “What do they say to you?” 

I started to list them:  Who do you think you are? No one wants to spend time with you. You are a burden to others.  You are merely tolerated.  You are bad. 

She explained this was negative self-talk.  She encouraged me to think about where those lies came from and also to focus on truth.  For example, what would Jesus say?  He wouldn’t say who do you think you are?  He would tell you who you are and that you can do anything with His help. 

I wanted to know what truth would replace the lies and I wanted to know His voice.  One of the ways I learned to hear His voice was to simply be still and listen.  I would pray and read my Bible to search for verses to help me when the mean voices were loud.  

The more I was able to speak truth back to the lies, the less they taunted me.  At first, it wasn’t easy to listen.  It was hard for me to be still. It took practice and I found the easiest place for me to listen was in the shower under the soft hum of the water.  

How did I learn to hear His voice? 

I’m still learning, but for me the key is to listen and pay attention. Sometimes it is that still, small voice. Other times it may be dreams, journaling, reading scripture, and listening to worship music.

We have to draw near to Him to hear His voice.  

The world is loud.  Social media screams.  Everyone has an opinion.  We are bombarded with so much information everyday.  How can we listen to His voice in the chaos?  How can we know His voice and focus on it? 

Practice. 

As I started listening to His voice, I was able to get more familiar with His ways.  I recognized He was speaking to me and I started to step out and obey.  

For example, one night I went to bed convinced I would never tell my husband my story. I had a dream that night that was so intense, I woke up determined he had to know.  Shortly after that dream, I told him. 

A few months later, I was driving home from a counseling session and I kept hearing “free at 40.” I felt like it meant I would confront my abuser when I was 40.  The thought alone terrified me.  I met with my mentor and I told her my story and shared what I thought God was saying to me.  She listened as I laid out my plans A, B and C.  

She let me explain the plans in detail, and then she told me to trust the Lord to work it out, and she sensed the plans should be C, B, and A instead.  

The night before my 40th birthday, I woke up early that morning and grabbed my phone and quickly typed what I would say to my abuser if given the chance.  I was typing as fast as possible as the words poured out.  

The day after I turned 40, I confronted my abuser and all I had to do was wait and the plans C, B, A unfolded as she had suggested.

Wow, God.  All of this made me want to listen and follow Him even more.  

He wants us to draw near to hear His voice and follow Him. 

Will we listen and let Him lead us?

How do you hear His voice?

Looking Back

~ Michelle Viscuse ~ 2 Comments

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Flashback!

The awful memory pops up and crashes over me like a wave.
I kick.
The smell knocks me under and water pours in.
I can’t breathe.
Evil wraps around my ankles like seaweed and pulls me to the bottom into the dark abyss.
I sink.
My arms are raised but I am lifeless.

Still frozen.

A strong grasp.

He
rescues me.
His firm grip pulls me to the shore.
I hold on while
He
untangles the debris.
He
breathes fresh life into me.
He
pours living water over me.
He
Cleanses me in the brightness.

Now

I watch the waves, unafraid.
Taking slow, deep breaths
Going deep, never alone
I resurface, clean.

In the Sonshine
Sand dancing between my toes
Soaking it all in.

Loved.