I sat at my desk by the window, and opened my laptop. Instead of typing anything, I just stared at the blank page and the blanket of snow outside. The snowflakes were dancing to the song “Like An Avalanche” by Hillsong. With a single candle burning, I paused in that moment to Thank Him for His grace. I thanked Him for taking my blood red sins and making them white as snow.
I never thought it would be possible.
The pouring rain had slowed to a drizzle. My arms were full and I almost decided to just run to my car, but I grabbed an umbrella thinking I may need it later.
After just a few steps, the bottom fell out and it started raining much harder. I stood there shocked trying to load the car and stay dry. Where did that downpour come from?? I was so thankful I paused to grab that umbrella because otherwise I would have been drenched.
The storms of life show up suddenly like that sometimes and take me by surprise. My first instinct may be to foolishly run ahead thinking I can somehow outrun it. But, it’s always wiser to be prepared, and pause to take the time to grab the umbrella.
I find myself in a storm and I think, “Lord, I want to hold onto you and not let go. I want to go where you lead when you say go. I want to do what you want me to do.”
Those are the sincere cries of my heart, but in reality it is a huge struggle for me.
When we were on our honeymoon cruise, my husband and I had a couples massage. I was so excited about our first massage and could not wait to relax and unwind. Instead, it was awful. Halfway through the massage an elbow pressed into my stiff back, and the silent tears that I was holding back dropped through the opening where my face was planted.
I was achy and uncomfortable. I warned the other guests at our dinner table to take ibuprofen before going. It didn’t seem to bother them nearly as much as it bothered me. Different, again.
It’s been 15 years, and I’ve had a few more massages, but none since my healing journey began three years ago. Until yesterday. I was looking forward to it, and wanted to fully and finally enjoy it.
He put a child in the middle of the room. Then, cradling the little one in his arms, he said, “Whoever embraces one of these children as I do embraces me, and far more than me—God who sent me.” Mark 9:36-37 (MSG)
I longed to hug my kids. We were picking them up from a week-long camp at Lake Waccamaw in NC. We had not talked to them all week, and we could not wait to hear all about it at Family night.