You meditate on His Promises

My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.

Psalm 119:148

For many years, I have heard those awful mean voices in my head that tell me I am not enough. Over and over, they declare that I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, and I am not strong enough.  Whatever the challenge, they scream “You can’t do this!” And when I fail, I hear the awful taunting of “I told you so. Why do you even try?”    

It’s awful.

I wish I could tell you those mean voices are gone and that I don’t hear them anymore, but they are still there. However, I don’t hear them as often and they are not as loud as they used to be.  

What changed? 

I started talking back to them. I started declaring God’s promises to me and I’d say it right back to them.  

“You can’t do it. You will never be able to do it.”

  • Oh yeah? Well I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  

“You are going to fail. This is going to be a big flop.”

  • Maybe I will fail. Maybe this will flop, but I am still going to try. Even if it fails, it will be okay. I will keep going. God is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me.  

“Who do you think you are?” 

  •  Glad you asked. Me? I am chosen, loved, adored, precious, the apple of His eye and His princess.  Etc. Etc. Etc.

“Why bother? You are a nobody and nobody cares.”

  • HE cares. He leaves the 99 to find the one, and He found me and rescued me. I am His, and He cares deeply for me. He can use me to help others, even if it is just one.

“Don’t do it. You will regret it.”

  • I am going to do it. I will regret not trying. I may very well regret it, but then again, maybe I won’t. Either way, He is with me.

I am still a work in progress, but I am learning to fight back. The enemy has taken enough ground from me.

If you have mean voices in your head screaming at you, it can be challenging. It used to keep me frozen in fear. What helped me to thaw?  I found freedom in Christ and in His promises. The Truth will set you free.

For if you embrace the truth, it will release more freedom into your lives.

John 8:32 TPT

Discover the truth of what He says about you in His Word. Declare it over yourself daily. Memorize these truths, and recite them as needed. Write them down. Write down the lessons you learn from them. Implant them in your mind and your heart. Continue to make them so loud in your life that the mean voices become just a whisper.

I made a bookmark to remind me of His promises, and I will be happy to send you one in the mail. Email me at journeypink@gmail.com with your address. May His truth saturate your entire being. 

What truths help you to shut down the mean voices in your head?

Looking Back

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Flashback!

The awful memory pops up and crashes over me like a wave.
I kick.
The smell knocks me under and water pours in.
I can’t breathe.
Evil wraps around my ankles like seaweed and pulls me to the bottom into the dark abyss.
I sink.
My arms are raised but I am lifeless.

Still frozen.

A strong grasp.

He
rescues me.
His firm grip pulls me to the shore.
I hold on while
He
untangles the debris.
He
breathes fresh life into me.
He
pours living water over me.
He
Cleanses me in the brightness.

Now

I watch the waves, unafraid.
Taking slow, deep breaths
Going deep, never alone
I resurface, clean.

In the Sonshine
Sand dancing between my toes
Soaking it all in.

Loved.

 

Getting Unstuck

Journey Pink

I’ve been stuck. 

I haven’t posted much this year and I feel like I am so behind. I don’t even know where to start. I haven’t shared much here because I wanted to focus on writing my story. 

I came to a defining moment in my story and I struggled to write it.  

There were all of these emotions and personalities, and I was trying to write without saying too much. I always feel like I have said too much, as if I’ve already said it all.

But, when I look back at my blog posts I see they are all written in code.  If you can relate, “code” language means I haven’t really said much.  I say just enough to safely pull back if needed.

I am fluent in the language of code. It was my survival.  

When I reached this defining moment in my story, I found myself writing in code again.  I was trying to say just enough but not too much.  

And, I couldn’t do it.  

I closed my laptop on that chapter, and didn’t want to pick it up again.  I didn’t pick it up again.  

In the stewing, I came to realize that I can’t tell that moment in code.  It has to be real, even if it is messy.  

I couldn’t understand why I would write so many words, and then suddenly feel this overwhelming burden to be real.  Really real.  

God, really? 

Really. 

So, I am writing it with this new perspective and it is challenging. 

Writing (or speaking) in code shields my own heart from delving into the emotional sea of betrayal and pain. If I can keep it as flowery as possible, then I can smile as I type as if I am dissociating from the words on the screen. 

But, when I deep dive I usually end up in tears and I struggle to pick it up again.  Why go there, when you can watch Netflix and eat ice cream? 

It’s a vicious cycle.  

So today, on my walk I was listening to a sermon and when the verse in Hebrews 12:2 was mentioned, I thought … “Fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.”   Jesus, the author.  

Let Him be the author. I want to be in control, but what if I let Him write it and be obedient to what He is asking me to do? God, be my author. Help me to write it. Write through me and help me to keep my eyes fixed on you and not on fretting.

As I snapped some pictures along the way, these images spoke to my heart and my struggle.   

Journey Pink

I was in bondage. Hidden. Afraid. Tangled in lies, fear, shame, and secrets. It was so dark. Remember what it was like? 

Journey Pink

I dared to believe that there was hope. I realized I was not alone. There were others like me. I wanted to get to the other side. I wanted to be free. 

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He rescued me. He brought me out of the darkness and into His light. I Am Loved.   

Journey Pink

He set me free, and I am clinging to Him.  I am no longer hidden, but out in the open air of freedom.  

Journey Pink

Obedience makes a difference. Am I willing to obey? Imagine the impact of obedience. What does that look like?  

The other voice in my head smirked, “Who do you think you are? No one cares and it’s already been said. There’s too much risk.  Are you crazy?” It’s loud, but just as I round the corner there’s more beauty.

Journey Pink

The harvest is plenty… but the workers are few. Don’t believe the lies. Do the work.

Are you feeling stuck? We all get stuck at times, but we don’t have to stay there. The first thing I tend to do when I am stuck is isolate myself, but that is not helpful at all. What helps me the most is to admit that I am stuck. This last time, I went to small group and it was just the leader and I. She started asking questions that led me to share what I was going through with her. She prayed for me and continues to encourage me. She also continues to check in with me and it has helped me tremendously. We were never meant to run the race alone.  

What about you?  What helps you to get unstuck?

 Scripture: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3 New International Version (NIV)

Prayer: Lord, thank you for delivering me from the pit. You are the author of my story. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you and to give you my all. My heart is encouraged when I imagine running across the finish line and jumping into your arms. Your love amazes me.  

Worship: This song has been my jam, especially the remix.  God Only Knows [Timbaland Remix] by for King & Country…

Grave Clothes

IMG_1467Today at church, on Mother’s Day, I shared how Jesus removed my “Grave Clothes.”  The Pastor’s sermon was on the power of Jesus to raise Lazarus from the dead.  At the end of the sermon, I shared my personal testimony of how Jesus removed my grave clothes.

When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”  John 11:43-44