Unexpected Healing in Sharing My Story

What if what you said you’d never do ended up opening the doors to healing, light, truth, and freedom?

Freedom

I was headed to my very first counseling session in an absolute panic because I didn’t even want to answer the pre-counseling questions to explain why I was seeking counseling in the first place. I did not want to talk. I walked into her room and sat at the far end of the couch, with my hands fidgeting in my lap and my head down. I was so afraid, I was numb. I am not sure if I was visibly shaking, but I was shaking all over inside.

I told her I needed to be sure it was safe and that everything would be kept confidential. I let her know that I needed to heal as quickly as possible, and I would never want anyone else to know. I never planned to tell my husband or anyone else for that matter that I had been sexually abused as a child.

But God.

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It was not my fault (For those struggling with blame and shame.)

It was not your fault.Recently I bought my daughter a little red bag to use as a makeup bag in the future.

This morning when I saw the bag, I thought it could serve another purpose. I could fill it with feminine products for her so she will have what she needs when the time comes. I wanted to make sure she was ready and prepared. It sounded like such a great idea, until big crocodile tears rolled down my cheeks as I was applying mascara…

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The One

The One

Numbers are everywhere.  Number of likes, how many followers, retweets, number of posts, what is attendance, giving… Sometimes, we can get lost in the sea of numbers.

Numbers are certainly important, and data is worth compiling. Research matters. Platform matters.

But, souls are important.

A friend emailed me recently, and shared she sometimes feels like she gets in a rut with her writing because she feels like she is saying the same things over and over.

I can totally relate.

It happens to me often. I wonder do I have to say the words ‘childhood sexual abuse’ one more time? Isn’t it implied? Can’t they assume that is what I am referring to? What if I just say broken childhood or trauma? Why don’t I just write about something lighter? Something that more people can relate to? Something that is not such a taboo topic? Something that would be easy on the eyes and light on the heart? Something more popular?

I hear the gentle whisper, “Write for the One.”  And then, I remember being the one.

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