A New Song

He put a new song in my mouth,    a hymnIt was a cool October Sunday morning and I was still a little car sick from the long and winding roads that led to the country church.  My 10-year-old knees were shaking as the last person stood up to share.  I don’t remember what he said, but I know I started to cry.  The piano played “Just As I Am” as I stepped out into the aisle and slowly made my way forward.  A few Sunday’s later, I was baptized.  It seems like this would be a happy memory for me, but it is not.

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He watches me.

Psalm 31:7Music has been a huge part of my healing journey.  Ironically, it can be both a trigger and a comfort. My husband and I used to argue over what station to keep the radio on.  He liked anything but current music, and I only wanted to listen to the songs that were new and recent.

There were times where I would abruptly change the channel and he would change it back. I would just sit there wide-eyed, angry and silent.  I would stare out of the window chasing the darkness away in my mind as it twirled to the beat, taunting me with images.  Not all songs were bad.  Sometimes a song would evoke a good memory, and I’d sing along.  I am sure it was confusing to him.  It was confusing to me.

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