30 Days of Truth: Mourn what happened.

Truth #8:  Mourn what happened.

Tamar heaped ashes on her head and tore her long, beautiful robe in mourning for what had happened to her. Then she walked back toward her home wailing, one hand to her head, showing everyone that tragedy and shame had fallen on her.

Tamar’s brother Absalom found her.

Absalom: Has your brother Amnon raped you? For now, my sister, say nothing. He is your brother. Don’t let it affect you so much.

Absalom had begun to make plans for revenge. So Tamar remained a broken woman living in her brother Absalom’s house. 2 Samuel 13:19-20 (VOICE)

The Lie:  I should just be quiet and try not to let it affect me so much.  Silence is golden.

The story of Tamar is heartbreaking.  She was raped by her half-brother and was devastated. She was not the same, and she was expressing her pain both physically and emotionally.

Her brother Absalom sees her in pain, and tells her to be quiet and to not let this affect her.

And Tamar?  She remained a broken and desolate woman.

That’s it. That’s how it ends for Tamar. A broken and desolate woman.

Violated. Used. Abused. Broken.

Silence is not golden.  Absalom teaches us what NOT to say to someone who has been violated or abused.

I know what it is like to be a desolate woman filled with shame.  I was quiet and hid painful secrets. I learned how to build walls around my broken heart. I felt forsaken and ruined. I felt isolated and alone in a room full of people for most of my life.

I sat in church pews singing praises with a shattered heart, longing to hear someone say, “I believe you. It was not your fault. You are not alone. What happened to you was wrong!”

Jesus died so that we may live and have freedom!  He did not die for us to live broken in isolation.

Have you been harmed? Abused? Violated? Have you suffered in silence? Have you built walls around your heart to numb the ache?

It is time to mourn what happened.

Jesus mends brokenness.  He didn’t create you to be desolate. He calls you delightful, beloved, and beautiful.  He wants you to have a voice, and a healthy and whole heart.

He wants to set you free.

Then Tamar put ashes on her head. She tore the dress she was wearing which covered her arms. And she put her hand on her head and went away with a loud cry. Absalom her brother said to her, “Has your brother Amnon been with you? Be quiet now, my sister. He is your brother. Do not take this to heart.” So Tamar stayed in her brother Absalom’s house, sad and alone. 2 Samuel 13:19-20 (NLV)  

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.  John 8:32 NIV

April is #SAAM (Sexual Assault Awareness Month) and for thirty days I will share the lies I believed and the truth that I discovered in my healing from childhood sexual abuse. To start at the beginning and read the first post click here —> 30 Days of Truth – I am a Masterpiece


No Longer Desolate


In 2 Samuel 13, there is a story about rape. Tamar was the beautiful virgin daughter of King David.  Her own brother, who was obsessed with her, devised a plan to get her alone. He grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.  2 Samuel 13:12-14

After she was raped by her much stronger brother, “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.”

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. 2 Samuel 13:20 (emphasis mine)

That’s it.  That’s how it ends for Tamar.  A desolate woman.

Violated. Used. Abused.

Be Quiet + Don’t take this to heart = a desolate woman.

Let’s not talk about it.

BUT.  We have to talk about it!

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