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Was It Really Sexual Abuse? 10 Myths that Make us Doubt the Reality.

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Was it really sexual abuse? 10 myths that make us doubt the reality.

Reckless Love

Refreshing Joy

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“The last time I doubted my calling was … just this past Monday.” I shared this with the ladies in…

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My name is Michelle Viscuse, and my passion is to inspire women to have courage, hope, and freedom in Jesus Christ. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and Jesus delivered me from my past filled with secrets and shame.
He will do the same for you.

Freedom is possible with Jesus.

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Abusers use power, manipulation, coercion, fear &

Abusers use power, manipulation, coercion, fear & control to continue the abuse.
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Grooming reminds me of a spiderweb. A spider puts in a lot of effort to spin the web they will use to catch their prey. Sexual predators put a lot of effort into grooming to abuse their victims. By the time the actual abuse starts, the victim is already deeply entangled in a web of manipulation and fear. They feel stuck, helpless, and afraid to say anything to anyone.
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Why wouldn’t a victim tell someone? In the example of pornography, the predator may leave out pornography for the child to see and then use it to make the child feel guilty for looking. “Oh, were you looking at that magazine? It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone. It can be our secret.” So now, if the child says anything, they think they will be in trouble.
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Blame-shifting and secrets are part of the web to keep the victim quiet.
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Blame-shifting is constant. The predator says things that make the victim think they are somehow responsible, at fault, and could get in trouble too.
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“Look what you make me do.”
“It seems like you like this.”
“Shhh, be quiet. We don’t want anyone to see what you are doing.”
“We will get in a lot of trouble for this if you tell anyone.”
“No one will ever believe you.”
“If you say anything, I will leave, and you will never see me again.”
“You don’t want them to know what we’ve been doing.”
“No one will ever love you or take care of you the way I do.”
“You will end up alone.”
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What does a child have to lose by speaking up? Everything. Because the predator has convinced them they will lose everything.
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Predators use pressure, force, guilt, and more pressure behind closed doors to keep the victim quiet about the abuse. Moments later, they are charming again.
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Only the victim gets to see that behind-closed-doors side of the predator. That side of the predator is terrifying and silencing. Dark eyes. Evil words.
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The intensity of that fear steals their voice.
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#grooming #childsexualabuseawareness #courage #hope #freedom #journeypink #trauma #healing #sexualabusesurvivor

Pushing boundaries to introduce and normalize sexu

Pushing boundaries to introduce and normalize sexual contact is another predator tactic in the grooming process. Here are some examples:
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Tickling is one that I repeatedly hear from survivors. It looks innocent and happens in front of others. Some may even call it the tickle game, but it can feel like torture. It pushes the boundaries for the child because it teaches them as they gasp for breath: “I can touch you, and you can cry out for relief or for me to stop, and no one stops me.”
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There may be other ways they show the victim that they can touch them even if it hurts or makes them uncomfortable, such as popping their fingers or toes. I’ve heard that before from other survivors, too.
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Over time, the boundary lines get blurry while the hands continue to move toward inappropriate touching.
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Another way predators push boundaries is with nudity and exposure. They may “accidentally” walk in while the victim is in the shower or using the bathroom, or they may expose themselves or introduce pornography by leaving a magazine open. Again, these efforts attempt to normalize these behaviors and set the stage for abuse.
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It is essential to talk about body safety and boundaries with children. Explain that no one is allowed to touch them or do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. Privates are private. They can lock the door to the bathroom, and they deserve respect and privacy when it comes to their body. Ask questions. Keep an open door for conversation. If you get a sense that someone is making them uncomfortable, ask. Let others know that you talk to your kids about body safety and ask questions to keep them safe.
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Please don’t make your child give others hugs or kisses, especially when they are uncomfortable or anxious about doing so.
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Respect their body and their boundaries. Ask questions. Pay attention.

Predators & Grooming: Once they gain access and i

Predators & Grooming:
Once they gain access and isolate, they begin to build trust and normalize secrets.
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Sexual Abuse thrives in the darkness because of secrets and silence. Predators know this and go to great lengths to keep it quiet. In the beginning, the secrets seem like fun, almost like a game. For example, "You are not allowed to eat sugar? Oh well, that is too bad. Sugar is delicious. I will let you have this candy bar, but you have to promise not to tell anyone. This will be our little secret!"
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"I am supposed to punish you for saying bad words, but I am okay if you say them. We all say them sometimes. I won't tell anyone. It will be our little secret."
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"You are beautiful. When you see me tap my wrist like this, it means I think you are pretty. No one else will know what it means but you and me. It will be our secret. You are special to me."
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Eventually, the secrets take a sinister turn.
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As the secrets get darker, the shame gets louder.
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Shame whispers, "Yes, but you said bad words and ate chocolate too. You are going to be in big trouble if anyone finds out. It is just another secret."
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Secrets. Talk about secrets. Ask about secrets. Talk about the danger of secrets. Be a safe person to hear secrets. Pay attention when secrets are mentioned.
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Maybe you have secrets from long ago. There is freedom and healing in getting it out. It is never too late. Let His light shine into the darkness. You do not have to walk alone.
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The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5 NIV

I felt so alone. It was such a difficult season. Y

I felt so alone. It was such a difficult season. Years ago, after a tough counseling session, I heard a song that lifted my spirits. It was a song from the movie Sister Act 2, “His Eye Is on The Sparrow,” sung by Lauryn Hill and Tanya Blount. Around that same time, I started noticing and taking pictures of birds. Each image reminded me that God was with me and caring for me.
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Even today, if I see a bird, I will take out my phone and try to grab a picture before they fly away.
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Those images and that song remind me of a time when I wasn’t sure it would ever get better, yet GOD made a way. He lifted me out of the pit.
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Difficult seasons come and go, and sometimes they outstay their welcome. When life gets hard and I am low, I look up. Occasionally, I will see a bird and get a picture. I sing along, believing.
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He watches me. I am not forgotten. He already knows.
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Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7
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Do you have a go-to image, song, or verse that reminds you of how God turned things around and assures you of His faithfulness when you are facing a hard season? Please share. I would love to hear about your song, image or verse! 💕

🚩Predators push boundaries to gauge your reacti

🚩Predators push boundaries to gauge your reaction.
THIS IS A TEST!
Sadly, an abuse victim is completely vulnerable.
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Let me tell you how I know: it happened to me again & again. If someone touched me inappropriately - I froze. I had no concept of saying no because I had been conditioned to be quiet & still.
➡️ Here’s 1 example: One time a predator put his hand on my backside, & I said nothing thinking maybe it was an accident. Later that day, he did the same thing to my friend, & she slapped him. Who will the predator continue to prey on? 🙋🏻‍♀️
It’s not that I was “easy,” I was vulnerable. I didn’t have boundaries or a voice. I couldn’t say no or slap him. Besides, I was 14 and he was well over twice my age.
It wasn’t my fault. I was frozen. There’s fight or flight – but this is called “freeze”. My trauma response was to freeze.
I can see this clearly now, but back then it reinforced something was wrong with me.
Just a few weeks ago on vacation, I dropped my husband off in front of Fenway Park. I grabbed my phone to take a picture. I saw a cyclist coming towards us, but my husband couldn’t see him. He gave me a hug, & I couldn’t say anything. I was frozen in shock as the cyclist came towards us. He didn’t slow down until he was right between us. It happened so fast.
Thankfully, we were all okay.
I got into the car thinking, What just happened? Why didn’t I say anything? Scream, move, something?
My nervous system was in overload as I drove to the aquarium. We were only 4 miles away and it took 45 minutes to get there because I kept going through the wrong tunnels.
I was able to walk around the aquarium for a few hours and use all my senses, to help calm down my nervous system. I am older & wiser now, & I don’t freeze often, but it still happens to me.
Imagine what it is like for a child who has no idea why it keeps happening? And, think about them getting hurt & taken advantage of in the process?
🚩 Always pay attention when someone you love has experienced abuse. They are vulnerable. Learn about their trauma responses & triggers.
⚠️The person you think is “easy” may be dealing with horrific abuse. Be a safe person for them. Help them.

Grooming is not always the same. Some stages may b

Grooming is not always the same. Some stages may be skipped or occur in a different order etc.
➡️Grooming happens to kids, teens, & adults so tactics & techniques vary
➡️It happens in person & online
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Understanding these concepts is important, because it most often happens in the “safety” of home, school, church, etc.
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Predators behave in a way that makes you think they are charming, trustworthy & kind, but they are grooming you too to doubt that they are capable of harm.
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It’s so important to listen to your gut & pay attention to any red flags such as:
🚩 They create opportunities to be alone. Ex. Can you stay after school & work on this project? Cell phones, social media, & the internet make this process even easier because it can be happening right in front of you while you are watching a movie in the living room as a family.
🚩 They appear to be helping or meeting a need. Ex. “I can bring her home from practice, I live just a few miles away.”
🚩 They are very nice (at first), give extra attention, show favoritism to make their victim feel special. If you notice something, ask questions like: “Where did you get that candy bar, bracelet, money etc? Oh, coach gave it to you? Did everyone get one?”
🚩The mood/vibe changes & it can be subtle because the victim has had positive experiences with this person, but now suddenly dreads getting in the car with them or staying after school, or maybe seems agitated or uncomfortable after encounters or just different than before.
🚩 The secrecy & shame keep the victim silent. They have been made to think that it’s their fault, no one will believe them, & they will be in trouble too. Pay attention to what you say when talking about other cases. “I don’t think he would ever do that! He’s such a Godly man.” Saying something like that affirms what the predator has promised - no one will believe you! So, the victim will continue to stay silent.
🚩 Boundaries are crossed. Ex. Tickling, hand on leg, playing with hair may seem innocent at first - but they are gauging your reaction. They are testing! Someone who’s already been abused is very vulnerable.
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Tomorrow I’ll tell you how I know. 🚩

© 2022 Journey Pink

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