2016 was a rough year. It was also the year I was intending to put a lot of energy into my ministry, Journey Pink. I wanted to write a book, which I affectionately called my Pink Elephant. Pink because I loved the idea of it so much, and elephant because it seemed so ginormous and overwhelming.
I’ve been to conferences and I have taken online writing classes, but the reality is writing and speaking about Childhood Sexual Abuse is taboo. It’s off limits. It’s too dark. It is not a popular topic. It is not encouraged.
But, like the Samaritan woman at the well who finally found THE living water in her life, I have tasted that living water and I want to share it with others who are thirsty and longing for refreshment from the mud and the mire of shame.
This pink elephant was HUGE, and my mind was filled with doubt and insecurity.
Me: God, you have picked the wrong girl! This is Bigger than me. This is elephant size BIG… but it is also pink.
God: How do you eat an elephant?
Me: One bite at a time.
God: My grace is sufficient
Just when I started to take small bites, the big pink elephant was suddenly surrounded by baby pink elephants. These baby elephants needed my immediate attention. Baby pink elephants like my daughter getting hospitalized and the months of unknowns and recovery that followed. Or, the stalker situation that landed me in court and on Amazon purchasing Pink Mace. Fear hit very close to home with those baby elephants and He was faithful to show me how to take one scary step at a time with Him.
When the intense fear was at its peak, I spent a weekend in Charlotte at a conference and the keynote speaker shared about overcoming fear. She had experienced a similar year with an injured child and a stalker. I knew God was speaking to my heart. I longed for peace and healing from my overwhelming fears. I rushed to the altar in tears, and acknowledged that I was terrified and tired of being terrified. As the worshippers sang and prayed over us, His amazing love covered me and gave me great peace.
He also brought me confirmation. That same weekend, at Bethel Worship nights, a man gave a word that there was a pink elephant in the room. I have no idea why he said that and he did not elaborate, but once again – God had my attention. I smiled as I thought, “I will keep going. God is with me.”
And yet, I couldn’t stop the whispers in the back of my mind from that mostly mean voice that demands protection and safety.
“Do you really want to go after that pink elephant? Look what is happening in your life! Maybe you should take a hint and just chill out. Better to play it safe. You are playing with fire. Who do you think you are???”
Who do you think you are?
Side note – this is a very frequent thought that pops in my head and it can hold me back the fastest. I’ve learned over time that having an immediate answer will shut it down.
Who do I think I am? I am a princess, and Jesus is my King. I am his daughter, and I am loved, cherished and precious to Him.
Not all small pink elephants are challenges. There were times I wanted to give up, and the image of a pink elephant reminded me to keep stepping, one foot in front of the other. One day, when I was so weary and full of doubt, my youngest brought his prize from the gumball machine to me and encouraged my heart.
It reminded me that every bite is worth it. Yes, God I trust you. I will keep going. Help me to not be afraid.
He knows I struggle with trust and fear, and this tension keeps me from walking in my calling.
But God.
He is faithful, and it all came full circle last weekend when I shared at the Hope Restored Women’s Conference. At check-in, I was surprised to find out there was a package waiting for me from my friend, Angela. I met her at my very first writing conference in 2014, and when she asked me what I wrote about I couldn’t answer her and finally just said, “I’m not going to tell you.”
She kept asking and I remember how hard it was to finally whisper to her, “I write about healing from childhood sexual abuse.”
Angela knew this was a Pink Elephant weekend for me so she sent me a care package full of my favorites. Besides the caffeine and the yummy chocolate, her gift reminded me of how far God has brought me and how He continues to open doors and give me opportunities to write and speak.
It’s still not easy to speak and write about childhood sexual abuse, but it is so important and worth it! My calling seems so BIG and Overwhelming to me, but Jesus can handle Pink Elephants. I just have to fully trust and surrender, and let Him guide me, one bite at a time. I will savor every bite and remember all the ways He has met me.
His grace is sufficient.
He opens doors no man can shut.
He makes a way when there seems to be no way.
He left 99 for one and He calls us to do the same.
He has brought me this far, and He will not leave me.
I am not alone.
You are not alone.
You are loved, cherished and precious to Him, princess.
Lord, even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never conquer me, for you already have! You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way. Your authority is my strength and my peace. The comfort of your love takes away my fear. I’ll never be lonely, for you are near. Psalm 23:4 TPT
What feels like a pink elephant in your life right now? Maybe you have a Pink Elephant Dream? What keeps you from walking in your purpose and calling? Is there an image or vision that helps you to keep going?
