willing

She’s gone. I had a friend pass away suddenly and unexpectedly this week and I saw her for the last time, just last night. I stood over her casket and with tears welling up in my eyes, I whispered, “I am so sorry…” and as they spilled over, “I am so very sorry.”

I walked outside and let the cold wind and freezing rain refresh my face. Months ago, I saw a picture of her where she had been arrested and was in handcuffs. That image did something to me. I saw a child when I looked at that picture. I saw a child. I saw a child who had a hard life. I saw me. I saw you. I saw us all. It could have been any of us.

I reached out to her and went to visit her in jail. We wrote each other weekly. I would send her scripture to look up and she would write back with her thoughts and with scripture for me. She mentioned a local church who sent a Mom and daughter each Monday to do a bible study with them. She was writing me encouraging letters about Jesus and hope.

She was released early and before I even knew she was out of jail, she was dead. Gone. Waves of emotions have taken me all over the place in my journey this week, and they have washed me ashore crying out “WILLING!”

Here I am Lord, send me! (Isaiah 6:8)

But, I am so afraid. I just don’t think I have what it takes. And, what if….what if…. what if….. How do I….? Those are the questions that ran through my mind as I closed my eyes in exhaustion last night.

I woke up this morning and read the last set of yesterdays verses again on my bible plan because they did not get checked off. When I read them again today – they jumped off the page and did a happy dance all around me.

It’s not about me.
It’s not about me.
And, it’s not about you!

Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. But, whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:4, 5, 12, 16-18 NIV)

Our confidence is from Him.
Our competence is from Him.
Our hope is from Him.
Our boldness is from Him.
Our freedom is from Him.
Our transformation is from Him.

He’s given me everything I need.

I am so afraid, but He’s not. My confidence is from Him.
I can’t do this, but He can. My competence is from Him.
I can’t see it, but He can. My hope is from Him.
I am not bold, but He is. My boldness is from Him.
I can’t free anyone, but He can! My freedom is from Him.
I can’t change anything! But He can change EVERYTHING! My transformation is from Him.

It’s not about us. It’s about Him!

It’s not about me. I’m willing.
It’s not about you. Are you willing?

In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with Freedom and Confidence. Ephesians 3:12

Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker, and the writing prompt is willing.